Make it POP!

Dear Diary,

I've launched a new business at work, right in my cubicle. Popcorn! Starting at 9:00am this morning, I started popping some fresh corn. I think everyone is excited. Sheila, our boss, is away at a meeting until later so I'm not sure yet how excited she'll be. I brought my own electric air popper from home, and I’ve also commandeered the microwave oven from the staff kitchen, and now my cubicle is hoppin’ poppin'. I've also fashioned a hat for my new venture. It’s a huge origami sailboat with my business name written across it: “Eric will POP you!”

My popcorn stand/cubicle features a square walk-thru window that I’ve chain-sawed out of my cubicle wall, so that as I’m serving people walking past, I don’t have to get up from my chair. This is very considerate of me since I am continuing to do my regular office work as all my clients' needs are also being met.

Some in the office have expressed concern that all the popping noise constantly sounding from my cubicle is breaking people’s concentration and "driving them up the wall". I have informed these "haters" that they’ve brought this inconsiderate attitude from home and if they like to practice communism behind their own closed doors, then that’s their business. Others have complained about the microwave missing from the staff kitchen. I’ve assured everyone that I will be returning the microwave during our regular lunch hour, when everyone SHOULD be using it. Otherwise no one should be using the microwave outside of lunch time anyway. They should be working, not playing with the microwave. And because I am returning the microwave during lunch, no one should be expecting fresh popcorn from noon to one, and the first person who asks me for corn during this time period, will get shouted at by me. The second person who asks, I am sequestering the microwave back for good and everyone can eat their lunch cold, but can now enjoy fresh popcorn from noon to one.

So far, the fire department has been called in this morning on three separate occasions. And that was only because I’m pouring regular kernels into brown paper bags, along with vegetable oil and placing my secret recipe inside the microwave, and the bag keeps erupting into flames as I go outside for a stroll and some fresh air. It's never too late to invest in R & D, as they say.

Sheila, our boss, just came back to the office from her morning meeting, and is appalled at all the piles of sawdust and what I've had done to my cubicle. She is shutting me down. No one has even had the chance to partake of my corn yet.

I just microwaved my hat, as a "goodbye to the business" gesture. Now the entire inside of the microwave oven is black, and my hat's staples have ruined it forever. So now we all have cold lunches to look forward to, and no popcorn. Thanks Sheila.