How to buy Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Dear Diary,

Since my last entry, I have been at Toys"R"Us for over 30 hours, waiting here so that I can get my hands on a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when it goes on sale in the store on Saturday morning. Yesterday afternoon, after being followed around by eight suspicious store staff members, we suddenly grew closer, and when their manager left on a coffee break, I organized a game of soccer. I pulled staff from other areas, including the cash registers until I pretty much had two teams I was happy with. I'm not crazy about soccer, nor do I know the rules, but I needed a distraction since I still had over forty hours of waiting for my book.

The store manager suddenly showed up, out of the blue, and yelled that no one was serving customers, and that people were walking out with toys without paying for them. I looked around. Everyone was looting and trashing the place. I think I may have even heard the sound of a gun going off coming from the baby section. The manager proceeded to fire all the present staff, after extinguishing three separate, dangerous fires himself. I nonchalantly walked out, shaking my head, pretending I was an unsatisfied customer.

As one female salesperson exited the store for her final time, she looked at me teary-eyed and revealed that she had never had this fun a shift at a job before. I gave her my number and told her to call me anytime and I'd show up at her new job and I'd make that place just as fun.

The manager called other staff to come to work, and an hour later, he re-opened the store, letting me back in. I stayed on the "down low" and took a much needed nap curled up in a ball on the change table in the washroom. I kept being woken, however, every time someone flushed, and had to move over a little when some father changed his baby's diaper. "Don't get any of it on me," I warned him. "Do you mind if I grab one of these wipes?" I continued. "I didn't get a chance to shower this morning. That tiny jar of mushed up carrots looks good. Your baby is lucky."

After closing time, I slept in the stinky, garbage-strewn alleyway. I look terrible this morning. I haven't shaved or showered or brushed my teeth in over 30 hours. And all I've eaten are mushed up carrots. I wish I could call home, but I packed so hastily, I didn't bring a mobile phone or any extra money (besides what I already gave the cab driver just to get here). I miss my wife. I miss my cat. I miss food. When are they going to sell that stupid book?