It was 1:50pm and I was inside our building handyman's vast, cavernous, basement office. I had just discovered that Dino, our gruff handyman, had Derek, the guy I hate the most in the office, gagged and imprisoned inside a large cage because Charisse was about to ask Derek out and Dino was jealous. What a joke. Charisse isn't even that hot. Anyway, after pretty much calling Dino pathetic but offering him lots of hugs, he came at me with a hunting knife.
DINO: I am not worthless.
He slashed his knife at me.
I moved off to one side, luckily avoiding the blade.
ME: I didn't mean it that way. And who cares, really? You have this job that is perfectly suited for you. You're hidden away down here for most of the day so no one really ever sees you, or sees what kind of person you are. You have it good, Dino.
Dino lunged forward too fast, clutching one of my wrists while slicing down at me. As the blade cut toward me, I gripped his knife-wielding wrist, trying to hold it away from my chest, but it was so difficult.
I looked over at Derek as he stared at us, gagged with a purple handkerchief and standing inside his cage.
ME: Do something!
Derek looked back at me with his wide, frightened eyes, and just shrugged his shoulders.
I turned back to Dino.
DINO: Tell me I'm not pathetic.
ME: Okay, but don't look at me straight in the eyes when I say it.
DINO: Say it!
I shut my eyes.
ME (as quickly as possible): You are not too pathetic! You are not too pathetic!
I opened my eyes.
Dino was still pressing the knife toward my chest, and I was holding him back as best as I could.
DINO: What do you do here?
DINO: What's your job here? Nobody has any clue what you do around here?
ME: I do lots of stuff. I'm really busy, you know.
DINO: What's your purpose?
I was now really confused.
ME: What? Purpose? What?
DINO: I was like you. A long time ago.
ME: I doubt that. Very much. I wouldn't work down here. Maybe someone would who's pathetic... Oh, sorry.
DINO: You've done absolutely nothing with your life.
Tears came gushing to my eyes then. I was so embarrassed.
ME: You're hurting my feelings.
DINO: Let me end your misery.
Dino's hand now possessed way more force as it pressed down with a strength I could no longer fight against.
I was going to die.
ME (screeching, and making my lungs almost bleed): NO! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE! PLEASE!
Dino fell to the floor.
I looked up.
There was Derek, still gagged, but free from the cage, standing before me with an oversized rubber mallet. He had just knocked Dino unconscious.
He pulled down the handkerchief gagging him.
DEREK (catching his breath): I was able to grab his keys from his back pocket when he walked past a while ago. I just needed him to get distracted by something or someone so I could open up the cage.
ME: Just because I just saved your life doesn't mean you can just talk to me now. Or look at me.