"Incident" at work today

Dear Diary,

I just wanted to let you know about an "incident" that took place at work today. I'm still reeling.

ME: Excuse me. Were you just talking behind my back?

DEREK AT THE OFFICE: No. What would give you that idea?

ME: Oh, I don't know. You just used my first and last name and added f---ing a--h--le to it.

DEREK: I'm sitting alone here in the cafeteria and no one's at work yet. Who would I be talking to?

ME: Maybe you're rehearsing. Like a dress rehearsal.

DEREK: I don't even know who you are. I've never even seen you here before.

ME: I'm Eric. It's my first day.

DEREK: You nervous or something?

Diary, now I'm all worried that everyone's going to think that I'm "the nervous new guy". This Derek seems like he has a such big mouth, spreading rumors about people and stuff, especially since he was talking behind my back the minute I walked into the joint. I haven't even made any friends yet. The girl next to me wouldn't even lend me any scotch-tape when I was building my cardboard retractable roof over my cubicle. I can't even access Solitaire on my computer. This job sucks! I wish Derek would quit.